I take it to the page. The underlying niggle in my belly that says “Today is Samuel’s IEP. Educators. Can’t trust them. Do people know about the IEP? Should I have done more to coordinate it? Who can I trust? How can I best serve my son? Can I just climb back into a shell and bring him with me and not care. How does one create community in the classroom? How can I help Sam not get bullied or left out or scared. How can I be sure I don’t get bullied or left out or scared when that is the reality of what I feel?
I take it to the page. To practice being like King David when he said, “I want to look life in the eye” when I move forward, add words to the tally. Know tomorrow at this time, these items will be off my to-do list. All of which, in May, are ridiculously long.
I want to look life in the eye. (I’m so full of answered prayers!) <<- Note to self: I want to be that person. Simple intention, merged with action. Paint. Pick up brush, cover with water, cover with paint. touch paper with paint. Repeat. Step back. Sit. Journal. Breathe.
Simple intention – Look. Action = stepping into the gold of sunrise. Morning wakes up. Multisenses sound-hear-look at birds cars train whistle feel-with-the-skin look crisp air before the heat assault See-Look – pale grey shadows of the morning. Mulberry banquet.
I want to look life in the eye. I’m so full of answered prayer.
Milk dud box bought out of
empty sat no selfishness
caramel or liturgical
chocolate to consumption
be found empty
on my desk for five days
(Well, it was mother’s day)
That new form is a blast and here I sit, just over the 300 word counter. I turn my notebook page to see what I wrote next.
I lose words when I paint I can look life in the eye I just can’t process, can’t make meaning from words or substance. I know blue teal green peace how did that pink appear and make itself be heard? I want to look life in the eye.
“I’m on my way to heal the ache in the heart of the wretched.”
A blot voilent blot
covered my don’t’s
and sucked my
tears up
tar stains my
heel, pulls my
“No” and “Don’t”
sludge remains
alone and reminds
me of the
“Don’t live” refrain
Don’t cry
Don’t indulge in
emotion orgies
don’t blots
memories
“I want to look life in the eye” and
“I’m on my way to heal the ache of the
heart of the wretched”
Thank you, King David. Thank you.
I turn the page.
Simple intention merged with action
Mindful swimming
Scary requests
Standing tall/firm/knowing
world changing don’t buy into
mottled grey black bullshit
Coryn said, “I always feel better when I leave here than when I got here.”
Not exactly that formalized but close enough.
I left my painting unfinished. She is becoming a tree, my sweet heart.
I settle into my porch seat, wondering where the red ford, 1940’s era with the driver who waves at me. Where is he/it today?
I hear footsteps inside.
June make a goal for metrical poetry (is it Kyrie? Look it up, French metrical poem.) Look life in the eye. I want to look life in the eye.
Look life in the eye.
Look life in the eye.
Say it. Look life in the eye.
Feel it. Look life in the eye.
Know it is safe to look life in the eye.
Be bold and look life in the eye.
Don’t argue, look life in the eye.
Look life in the eye.
Look life in the eye.
Look life in the eye.
Look life in the eye.
Look life in the eye.
So weird to not be spoken to, really.
Odd. Look life in the eye.
Look life in the eye.
what was that one about?
I didn’t get it.
Look life in the eye.
Look life in the eye.
Look life in the nose.
Smell life in the eye.
Punch life in the eye.
Touch life in the eye.
What brand of hope do you sell?
What brand of hope do you smell.
What brand of hope do you buy?
Look life in the eye to discern what brand of hope you buy
Only a few more lines and I should be done.
Move my fingers
Move my tongue.
Speak. Write. Breathe. Move. Know.
Look life in the eye.
I think I am on a 18 day streak. It is good.
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