May begins. Just like that, April says goodbye and we begin again. A clean slate, a new sunrise, a chance to climb the hill or mountain or descend into the trenches once again. Oh, wow. What awaits? What moments of angry unenlightenment are waiting?
I remember those moments of slight disenfranchisement. (Actually I don’t. The words just sounded good to me.)
My arms feel heavy today, I think I am still tired from yesterday. The tired feeling is like a cloak around my upper arms. I type away here, slowly, much more slowly than my norm.
In may, my theme is “making things right” though I would prefer to find one poetic term for that possibility. I don’t need to be maudlin or overly dramatic about it, but this mercury retrograde has been so informative, so helpful in its “re” ness. I can’t remember when I have had such a productive time. I am enjoying it. My choices are so much better, from simple stuff like today. I thought “A fast food breakfast would be so enticing” but then I thought, “but I really don’t want to waste the caloric intake” so I elected to come home to special K and coffee and writing.
And the Psalms and my prayer of the psalms this month. Should I write about that, and Anais Nin? Should I?
Blessed. Blessings. Open to receive, gratefully. Blessed. What does it mean to be “blessed” versus, unblessed. I have felt both. When did I feel unblessed? When things weren’t going my way? Oh, that makes for interesting discussion.
Blessed is the one who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. Don’t take advice of those who are stupid or ill-informed or the joe-cools who don’t know any better. They hang out with other stupid people. They make fun of people. They ridicule when they probably are most worthy of being mocked. My head is full of the thought. I wait, hope, pray.
What comes next? Blessings. Receive, gratefully. Always when you walk with those in the know. The holy ones.
Her delight instead is in the law of the lord, she delights in it every day (which is some of what I am doing here, in this study.)
God, help me to delight in your words – in your ways – in your smile – in your presence. Let me find joy and hope and also direction in your words. To tune in whether I feel like it or not and know you again as I know any of my closer friends, with some level of intimacy and a caring beyond surface caring.
Oh, this next part is tasty:
I am like those trees, the ones by the river and the hot springs. They are ready to serve, they have a great view, they listen to secrets and have secrets of their own to tell. That is me and them and how, yes! yes! YES!
Prosper. What is it to prosper?
To be content. To have more than enough, at least. Not necessarily crazy amounts, but to have more than enough, at least, to not waste time in worry or squander energy that could be spent in creative play.
Last night was very fun, surprised the heck out of myself, actually.
I was afraid more was cut than was cut. The only part of me that was cut was the majority of my rape scene. I wouldn’t have minded if they kept it because it was so painful and in that pain, very truthful. I didn’t remember how early in the scene I started crying. I loved watching it. One uncomfortable titter. I loved watching people watch the production, too. Coryn was enthralled as was Julia, who said, “I think I liked it, I think I really really liked it, I was mesmerized. LOL. How funny.”
I didn’t even think contemptuous thoughts about my appearance (which is such an easy thing for me to do, get all shmuggy about my appearance. Nope, didn’t go there.) Kaitlin said she loved my wedding vows. I loved my wedding vows.
I should buy that creepy/sexy photo of me. It is worth $50? I remember Samuel this morning when he said, “ohhh, I like your look!” Oedipus anyone?
He likes crazy curly brown hair, I suppose. :-)
So I am up to 733 words. Job well done, dear Julie. You stayed the course on this first day. You kept writing. I am on a 6 day streak and here, on May 1, I began again. I will visit here for 30 days.
Yay.
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