I missed yesterday and didn’t even realize it. Good thing it isn’t the challenge month or I would have been dust in the wind. I was so distracted by Samuel at my heels but no excuse is no excuse! I have managed to get a poem written each and every day this month though right now it seems unfathomable that on April 1, less than a month ago, I was at Emily Dickinson’s home and in this same month I have visited both Morro Bay and also…. San Francisco and Castro Street. This morning I found out about the LARGEST poetry festival in the country which is being held in Newark in October. What is up with the East Coast calling me the way it is doing? It feels (almost) surreal.
I sometimes wish, no, I always wish – I had the freedom to up-and-move.
Rather than the necessity to stay stay stay.
I am writing about wind today, zephyrs, Sallys and new ideas, taken from a 2002 poem that doesn’t exactly fit anymore. There are some poems from that era that delight me but primarily, they settle in right where my knees bend in the territory that gets achy if not well supported. Speaking of which, Katherine wants to start doing aerobics which could be very very very fun! I want to get out of all these commitments (which mean TIME!) so that I can do this fun stuff with her (aohnsh, I don’t like meaningless words like FUN! What could I say instead of FUN. Encouraging, captivating, ice cream cones, confetti, karaoke, chocolate cake, a game of charades, swimming, settling into a warm bed with a nice comforter.
I love comforters, I love soft beds. I love that I am getting another key so that when Cam is away I can house sit and enjoy the lushness of his comforters and pillows. Strange the things I enjoy.
We talked about memorable meals last night.
What were my most memorable meals?
Simple ones. Picnics on mountaintops. Calvin crest meals. Meals with great conversation. Dinners with David at what was that restaurant in the Ice House? And the place downtown where Julia likes to go for her birthday and New Years (I wish I could remember!) These are the meals I remember.
Today I sketched a gorgeous woman, dancing. She looks like she is dancing, a modified “receiving dance” which is something of a whirling dervish and reminded me of me when I did “Reclaiming C…T” in VDay this year. When I look over this past year, theater wise, I see me doing roles I don’t really want to do and I do them because it is what shows up. I am excited and intimidated as hell by Robin Tyler but otherwise, not so much and I am not sure what to do about it other than directly go ask people what I can do to get a great role or even what great roles are out there. This is part of the problem, I feel like I am not educated enough to ask for what I want because I literally don’t know what I want. Many people have dream roles, I don’t know what roles to dream about because I don’t know what exists (sorta no more than sorta frustrating.) I think of “I wait for sleep” and I want to work on that some more but then I get tangled in the “don’t knows” when I do know, I think – or I certainly have access to what is known yet still unknown by me.
GAWD! I need to write.
Not just this kind of writing, but writing for DPA, writing to publish, writing to share not just writing to blurt. Don’t be insulted, morning pages, I just need substance as well as fluff… more than dump and stream of consciousness rambling. I need to go through you with a marker and find the highlights, find the richness in what is here.
I need to work on my lines for DEAR HARVEY. I need to get on the ball for so many things I don’t feel very ball like at all and I need to find out how to do the BELL for TROTSKY, too. Oh! So much to do, never feels like time stretches out but when I am working on my art it isn’t like I really care, I just create more art.
I love photographing my paintings, my art work, more than fetching other people’s stuff for my collages or photos, I want to use mine. Ok, claim this baby done
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