I expected bells and sirens when I finished the May challenge. Isn’t that funny? Come on world, notice me! Notice my accomplishment. Sing praises to me and me alone! LOL. Pretty darned funny.
I had chimes of accomplishment yesterday when I sat with the children as the sunset, and remembered in the future what this felt like. The perfect temperature, the long rays of the sun putting their mystical, magical light on everything they touched. So glorious, the way it feels on my skin and the way my children look.
“Don’t move!” I would say to Emma as I reached around my back for my camera. “I need to get exactly… ok, there.”
My friend, Julia, texted me when I said what I was doing, “I can’t wait to see the sunset in Hawaii this summer.”
I texted back, “Love the sunset where you are, now, beloved one.”
We don’t have to wait or go anywhere. Love the sunset now, wherever you are, especially and always whether there is flow or not, love it. Love the sunset, love the moment, love the light. Enjoy whether the sun is out or in hiding. Reflect with and in it.
I managed to find a hula hooper. I managed to find another friend to hang out with, in a hooping way. We could start our own group, a weighted hula hoop which I will need to do in the privacy of my own home. I am excited to start.
Long rays of light as May said good-bye.
Cool, perfect, just right temperatures. I trusted the foxes and coyotes knew the water was coming and moved higher, moved to a dry spot as the water started to flow. They know so much more than we do.
I expected chimes and bells and whistles and all sorts of calvacade of something.
Korn Video:
The producers and directors kept telling me the set would be closed, that I would have complete privacy, not to be worried or upset about running down the street in Oildale, barefoot and screaming. Isn’t that an every day occurrence there? I wanted them to know it didn’t upset me at all, this was normal for me, this was what life was like in Oildale and as an actor, when I am asked to do something I do it, without thought, without concern – I focus and upon the “Action” I simply acted. I hadn’t done any running for a while and there I went, as fast as I could yet trying to match the jeep with the camera, I ran, with only a pair of pajama pants and my goodwill purchased bra, screaming and panting and scrunching up my face.
When the yell for “Cut!” was made, I heard applause from an audience. Apparently I had run beyond the closed set so quite a few people got a preview of this take. I didn’t even care, I was so focused. I wanted to have a pow wow with the Director to see if I had given him what he wanted.
The wardrobe and make up women followed after me, clothing in hands, but I didn’t even notice them. I was in my hands-on-hips business mode. Very serious. No one else even existed in those moments except for me and the Director.
I got back to the mobile home/set and did it again. And again. And again. On the third take I put on my shirt as wardrobe offered it to me and I asked the assistant director for a bottle of water. I giggled as he called for water over his walkie talkie and giggled more as the staff scurried to fulfill my request.
We left as quickly as we arrived when we were done. An hours worth of work. I’m still not sure if that version will make it into the video or not. They tell me M-TV is very picky and may censor my running in my underwear out of the final cut. It would probably embarrass at least one of my children.
They also did a scanning shot of Jared (my wife-beating ‘husband’ who chased me from ‘our mobile home’) and me, which was fun – a silent, acting only with our facial expressions moment. I would love to do more of this, do this sort of thing again.
Loving and living this moment fully.
Not the next moment.
Not when I “get to L.A. someday” not “when I am discovered” not “when I get a large contract” not “when will that particular so-and-so appreciate me!” but in the right here, right now, present moment.
In the wonder of it.
In the love for it.
In the now of it.
Yes.
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